Happy Birthday to my dear Sissy

Dear Family & Friends,
I haven't been able to write for days. I still can't believe that I can't just pick up the phone and call her. I have reached for my phone at least a dozen times already. I am still going over everything in my mind, wondering if there was something more I could have done for her.
Thursday, February 3rd was a very difficult day. Stella seemed so weak, but managed to get out of bed. She wanted to eat a little something, and we sat at the kitchen table while she ate. She received phone call after phone call that morning. I knew she was tired, but she took each call & even managed to put each caller at ease with her reassurance that she was getting better each day. I had to take the phone after the last call, as she was noticeably exhausted. I got up to clean the dishes and empty the dishwasher. She started coughing again. She vomited and then felt bad. I tried to reassure her that it was "no big deal". We have an expression that Kathleen & I use, "Better out than in!" She looked up at me and said she was sorry I had to clean it up. My poor sister was still worrying about me. I reminded her of all the times she cleaned up my puke when I was little. She smiled and I told her that it was my turn to take care of her.
I moved her to "her chair" in the family room. She was comfortable for a bit until the coughing started again. The coughing went on for hours & it was evident that her lungs were filled with fluid. That sound is ingrained in my head.
Kathleen & I knew that the end was closer than ever. We didn't see how she would be able to make it through the weekend. I sat with her all day and told her I loved her a thousand times. I prayed with her and made the sign of the cross with the Holy Water several times. I wanted her discomfort to be over. I was praying that she would be at peace.
Thursday night was even worse. She could barely walk and we moved her to the bathroom with the wheel chair. When we got her into bed, I honestly didn't think she was going to make it through the night. I prayed with her again and asked God to please take care of my Sissy.
She coughed all night. We held her & tried to make her more comfortable. It was breaking my heart and I cried and begged that she not suffer anymore.
At 4:45AM, it got even worse. She was struggling to breath. We were all at her side.  Dominick told her he loved her & she responded, "I love you, too."  Then I told her I loved her, and she said, "I love you." Those were the last words she said. We called her son and told him to come over. We called our brother, Jimmy but he couldn't get on an earlier flight. He wasn't going to get to Long Island until after 10PM.
We called Hospice and her nurse, Barbara came right over. Barbara used four words I will never forget. She said, "Stella is actively dying."
Rich, Kathleen, Dominick, Joe, Natalie & I were hysterically crying.  We knew that this day was coming, but even still, you are never prepared. We never left her side. We each told her that it was okay to "let go."
At Noon, my nephew Danny arrived from JFK airport. He was away at college in North Carolina. He prayed that he would see her one last time. He asked his brother, Tommy to pray also. Danny was able to see his Godmother again. The Hospice nurse assured us that Stella was not in any pain. She said that this part was going to be harder for us to bear. She told us that she believed that Stella could hear us, and told us to keep talking to her.
The children & Kathleen's parents arrived as well. We were all surrounding her. We were all kissing her and telling her how much we loved her. I told her that our parents would be waiting for her. I asked her to please watch over all of us. I asked her to talk to me from Heaven. I prayed with her again and again. At approximately 4:40PM, Kathleen sat on the bed next to her. She held her hand and told Stella to "Let go." She then said, "Listen to Kathleen. Listen to Grace. We are all here."
I was kissing her forehead and telling her to let go & that we all loved her. Her breathing stopped at 4:45PM on February 4th.
The next few hours were surreal. A different Hospice nurse arrived who was very business-like. She was an asshole. Please pardon my French. She was more concerned about disposing the medications than she was about our feelings. Our dear Hospice nurse, Barbara, never knew that Stella had passed until much later that evening when Kathleen called her cell phone directly. She was so upset that her office did not call her first. The woman that came didn't have a relationship with us but could have been more comforting at that difficult time.
The Funeral Home we used was incredible. The Branch Funeral Home is a family run business. The owners, John & Paul came to take Stella that night. They were kind, and completely understood our grief. They didn't rush us and made us feel as if they truly cared about our family member & the job they had to do.
Unfortunately, Jimmy's plane was delayed over 2 hours and he did not arrive until almost 1AM. My siblings & I stayed up very late that night, just trying to give each other comfort.
My Sissy, Stella Rose would have celebrated her 52nd birthday today. She is in Heaven with our parents, I am certain. I will continue to write this blog to preserve my sister's memory and to keep a connection with so many of you that have become my friends because of it. There are so many things that I want to share with you. I want to write about the days leading up to the Wake & Funeral.
I want to thank everyone for their love & support. Our family is so grateful for the tremendous outpouring of kindness we received and are still receiving.  I will write more soon.
Love always, Grace