Dear Family & Friends,
I am still on Long Island. I couldn't leave today. I will reschedule my doctor's appointments.
Stella had another tough night, but did a lot better during the day today. I cannot tell you how happy that made me. She ate a tiny bit, and seemed to just "feel better". We talked so much today. I took every opportunity I had to "steal" moments just for the two of us.
This morning, Stella told me that she had a vision. She said that she was walking through a cave and that I was holding her hand. She said the walls had beautiful white pearls on them and that there were pink, blue & purple colors, too. I asked her if she was scared. She looked up at me and said, "A little, wouldn't you be?" I said, "Yes", and then I told her that she didn't have to be scared. I told her I would always be with her. I told her she wouldn't be in any more pain. She told me she was worried about everyone. I assured her that we would all be okay.
I asked her if there was anything I could do for her? She said, "Can you clone yourself?" I laughed and said, "God already did that, but he made you first." She smiled. Then, I asked if she wanted paper to write anything to anyone? She looked up at me & said, "You know the words to write."
The rest of the day was busy. We didn't have a chance to talk until dinner time. She wanted to help me make dinner. I walked her to the kitchen table and she sat down & helped me put the breading on the chicken cutlets. I cannot believe that she was able to muster up the strength to do that. She said that she wished she could help more. I told her she did amazing! She looked up at me and said, "Really?" I kissed her & said, "Definitely!"
When we were sitting down to eat, she wanted to come to the table. She sat next to me and she ate a few bites of dinner. Everyone was thrilled to see her up at the table, eating!
After we ate, she began to get tired and wanted to go to sleep. We talked again while she lay in bed. Her husband brought over the Rosary Beads he was given as a gift for his First Holy Communion. She put them close to her heart. Then, when we were alone again, she asked me to please take care of her husband & her son. I told her that I would, and she did not have to worry about that. I told her that over & over again. She told me that she loved me. I told her how much I loved her. She told me that she just wanted to sleep. When we prayed together, I asked God to help her have a restful night. We said our prayers with the Holy Water and she fell asleep a few minutes later.
I had to stop typing a few times while writing this. She began coughing again & I had to run in to check on her. Her lungs have fluid in them. We have her hooked up to oxygen, and we have her propped up in her bed.
I have learned so much from losing my parents at a young age. Our Mom passed away when I was 17 and our dad passed away when I was 22.
I learned that you should never hold anything back. You should say & do everything when you have the chance.
Thank you so much for your prayers for our family. Thank you for your kindness. We are blessed to have so many people supporting us during this difficult time.
Love, Grace
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Please keep praying for Stella
Dear Family & Friends,
Last night Stella had another difficult night. She was awake most of the night, coughing. At around 6:30AM, she seemed a little better. I asked her what I could cook for her and she asked me if I could make her a homemade waffle. I was so happy that she wanted to eat something. She ate one bite, and said she was sorry but she couldn't eat it. Then she had a tiny piece of an Italian Biscotti that Natalie brought her & she really seemed to enjoy it. Unfortunately, within five minutes, she vomited. The vomiting was going on all day & night yesterday. Her throat was sore this morning & her voice was hoarse. It's not that she is vomiting up food, it's mostly liquid because she has barely eaten anything in the last few days.
She said she wasn't "up" for any visitors today. While we were sitting in the family room, I took out my laptop & let her see all of the pictures I had taken over the last few months & the holidays, including Christmas Eve. She truly enjoyed looking at all of the pictures and she was smiling from ear to ear.
(Stella was in the hospital from Dec. 18th through Dec. 23rd. She told the doctors that she just wanted to go home for the Holidays. She came to Dominick & Kathleen's house on Christmas Eve and was able to sit with us while we opened presents. Her pain was bad that night, but we she stayed with us for about two hours. She wasn't able to go anywhere on Christmas Day, so Kathleen & I went to her home. She just didn't want to go back to the hospital. Her pain got so bad that week. She finally went back to the hospital on Dec. 27th and was there until January 7th.)
After I showed her all of the pictures, I began to read her Facebook Wall comments to her and the comments that have been left on the blog. She was smiling when I read each one to her. She was very surprised to see how many people have read the blog. She said, "Wow, that's unbelievable!"
Through the last few years, many of Stella's closest friends & family members did not know how terribly ill she was. It was her way of coping with this disease. I do believe that my Sister didn't want anyone to worry about her and that is the main reason why she sheltered so many from the news that she was so ill.
Stella & I were finally alone this afternoon. I had my Sissy all to myself for a little while. I told her how much I loved her and how happy I was that we had such a great year together. Then, I prayed with her and used the Holy Water and made the Sign of the Cross on her forehead, lips & chest. We held hands. We talked about happy things.
Soon after, the Hospice Nurse arrived. Her name is Cathy. She was so kind to us. She asked Stella if she was a Spiritual person & my sister nodded, "Yes.". She comforted my sister with her words. When she was leaving, I had a chance to talk to her alone. I asked her if she thought Stella knew how bad things were. She said she thinks she does & that she is protecting us. Then I asked Cathy how much time she thought that Stella had left. She told me that she thought that Stella would be at peace within a few days. I already knew the answer in my heart when I saw her yesterday. Her lungs are beginning to fill with fluid, she has a fever, and she isn't eating. I don't want her to be in anymore pain.
I am so grateful that I am able to be here with Stella. I am also very grateful that I have such wonderful family & friends at home who have offered their help while I am here.
Please keep praying for her. Thank you. Love, Grace
Last night Stella had another difficult night. She was awake most of the night, coughing. At around 6:30AM, she seemed a little better. I asked her what I could cook for her and she asked me if I could make her a homemade waffle. I was so happy that she wanted to eat something. She ate one bite, and said she was sorry but she couldn't eat it. Then she had a tiny piece of an Italian Biscotti that Natalie brought her & she really seemed to enjoy it. Unfortunately, within five minutes, she vomited. The vomiting was going on all day & night yesterday. Her throat was sore this morning & her voice was hoarse. It's not that she is vomiting up food, it's mostly liquid because she has barely eaten anything in the last few days.
She said she wasn't "up" for any visitors today. While we were sitting in the family room, I took out my laptop & let her see all of the pictures I had taken over the last few months & the holidays, including Christmas Eve. She truly enjoyed looking at all of the pictures and she was smiling from ear to ear.
(Stella was in the hospital from Dec. 18th through Dec. 23rd. She told the doctors that she just wanted to go home for the Holidays. She came to Dominick & Kathleen's house on Christmas Eve and was able to sit with us while we opened presents. Her pain was bad that night, but we she stayed with us for about two hours. She wasn't able to go anywhere on Christmas Day, so Kathleen & I went to her home. She just didn't want to go back to the hospital. Her pain got so bad that week. She finally went back to the hospital on Dec. 27th and was there until January 7th.)
After I showed her all of the pictures, I began to read her Facebook Wall comments to her and the comments that have been left on the blog. She was smiling when I read each one to her. She was very surprised to see how many people have read the blog. She said, "Wow, that's unbelievable!"
Through the last few years, many of Stella's closest friends & family members did not know how terribly ill she was. It was her way of coping with this disease. I do believe that my Sister didn't want anyone to worry about her and that is the main reason why she sheltered so many from the news that she was so ill.
Stella & I were finally alone this afternoon. I had my Sissy all to myself for a little while. I told her how much I loved her and how happy I was that we had such a great year together. Then, I prayed with her and used the Holy Water and made the Sign of the Cross on her forehead, lips & chest. We held hands. We talked about happy things.
Soon after, the Hospice Nurse arrived. Her name is Cathy. She was so kind to us. She asked Stella if she was a Spiritual person & my sister nodded, "Yes.". She comforted my sister with her words. When she was leaving, I had a chance to talk to her alone. I asked her if she thought Stella knew how bad things were. She said she thinks she does & that she is protecting us. Then I asked Cathy how much time she thought that Stella had left. She told me that she thought that Stella would be at peace within a few days. I already knew the answer in my heart when I saw her yesterday. Her lungs are beginning to fill with fluid, she has a fever, and she isn't eating. I don't want her to be in anymore pain.
I am so grateful that I am able to be here with Stella. I am also very grateful that I have such wonderful family & friends at home who have offered their help while I am here.
Please keep praying for her. Thank you. Love, Grace
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Re: I am here with my Sissy
Dear Family & Friends,
My dear, Sissy had a rough night (last night) and difficult day today. She spiked a fever and is not doing well. I arrived here at about 4PM. I am glad I didn't wait until her birthday to come back. Stella has lost so much weight in the two weeks since I last saw her. She doesn't want to eat anything.
I am sitting beside her and she has been asleep for awhile. I pray that she has a restful night.
Love, Grace
My dear, Sissy had a rough night (last night) and difficult day today. She spiked a fever and is not doing well. I arrived here at about 4PM. I am glad I didn't wait until her birthday to come back. Stella has lost so much weight in the two weeks since I last saw her. She doesn't want to eat anything.
I am sitting beside her and she has been asleep for awhile. I pray that she has a restful night.
Love, Grace
Friday, January 28, 2011
RE: I am very worried
Dear Family & Friends,
As the disease progresses, it is difficult to imagine what my life will be like without Stella. I am sorry that I haven't been able to write. I have been crying day & night. I am filled with worry and don't really know how much longer her weak body will be able to handle this.
Kathleen & I spoke this morning. She said she is glad that I am coming tomorrow. Kathleen has had to increase Stella's pain medicine. She is barely eating anything and she is sleeping most of the day. The Hospice nurse thinks that Stella is aware of her condition, and she believes that Stella is protecting us from the news.
I hope that God gives me the strength to tell my Sister everything I have in my heart. Thank you all so much for the support and love you have given me & my family. Every single one of you has helped me so much. Over 4400 people have viewed this blog. It has given me great comfort to know that so many of you care about my Sister.
Love, Grace
xxxooo
As the disease progresses, it is difficult to imagine what my life will be like without Stella. I am sorry that I haven't been able to write. I have been crying day & night. I am filled with worry and don't really know how much longer her weak body will be able to handle this.
Kathleen & I spoke this morning. She said she is glad that I am coming tomorrow. Kathleen has had to increase Stella's pain medicine. She is barely eating anything and she is sleeping most of the day. The Hospice nurse thinks that Stella is aware of her condition, and she believes that Stella is protecting us from the news.
I hope that God gives me the strength to tell my Sister everything I have in my heart. Thank you all so much for the support and love you have given me & my family. Every single one of you has helped me so much. Over 4400 people have viewed this blog. It has given me great comfort to know that so many of you care about my Sister.
Love, Grace
xxxooo
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I am going this weekend
Dear Family & Friends,
I spoke to Dominick this morning and he told me that Stella looks much weaker. He said he is very worried. I booked a flight to go to see her this weekend. Please continue to pray. Thank you all so much.
Love, Grace
I spoke to Dominick this morning and he told me that Stella looks much weaker. He said he is very worried. I booked a flight to go to see her this weekend. Please continue to pray. Thank you all so much.
Love, Grace
Monday, January 24, 2011
Things are still not good
HI again,
I am sorry to report that Stella is still having a hard time. She has the feeling that she is "full" all of the time and therefore does not feel like eating. It's directly related to the disease and unfortunately there is nothing that we can do. She is on pain medication and that part seems to be okay. The surgery she had on December 29th was perfomed to re-route her small intestine and put in an "lliostomy" bag. (I apologize if I spelled that wrong). This bag allows for the food to bypass the blockage that she had and and removes the need for the colon to function. (The colon wasn't functioning anymore due to the cancer).
As I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts, that last surgery was done for palliative purposes only; to make Stella comfortable. Prior to the surgery, her pain was unbearable & she couldn't eat or drink anymore. So, in essence, since her surgery, she has been getting trace amounts of nutrition from the tiny meals she can tolerate. But the problem is that this horrible disease keeps spreading. Every time she eats anything she has a "tummy ache". She is also sleeping a lot more.
My heart breaks fo her. I am trying so hard to be strong. I am "pretending" my absolute best whenever I need to. I am just trying to take it day by day. Eventhough I have been "mourning" my sister for months, I still cannot imagine not hearing her voice, or the sound of her laughter. I am going to miss so many things about my Sissy.
My sister-in-law, Tracy (Jimmy's wife) flew to NY to be with her this week. I am grateful that she is there. Tracy has always been able to cheer everyone up when she walks into a room. My sister told me that she was glad that Tracy was there.
I am lucky to have such a wonderful family and incredilble friends. Thank you for all of the messages, calls emails, etc. It has been helping me more than you know. I know you are praying for all of us and I appreciate that greatly.
Love you all, Grace
I am sorry to report that Stella is still having a hard time. She has the feeling that she is "full" all of the time and therefore does not feel like eating. It's directly related to the disease and unfortunately there is nothing that we can do. She is on pain medication and that part seems to be okay. The surgery she had on December 29th was perfomed to re-route her small intestine and put in an "lliostomy" bag. (I apologize if I spelled that wrong). This bag allows for the food to bypass the blockage that she had and and removes the need for the colon to function. (The colon wasn't functioning anymore due to the cancer).
As I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts, that last surgery was done for palliative purposes only; to make Stella comfortable. Prior to the surgery, her pain was unbearable & she couldn't eat or drink anymore. So, in essence, since her surgery, she has been getting trace amounts of nutrition from the tiny meals she can tolerate. But the problem is that this horrible disease keeps spreading. Every time she eats anything she has a "tummy ache". She is also sleeping a lot more.
My heart breaks fo her. I am trying so hard to be strong. I am "pretending" my absolute best whenever I need to. I am just trying to take it day by day. Eventhough I have been "mourning" my sister for months, I still cannot imagine not hearing her voice, or the sound of her laughter. I am going to miss so many things about my Sissy.
My sister-in-law, Tracy (Jimmy's wife) flew to NY to be with her this week. I am grateful that she is there. Tracy has always been able to cheer everyone up when she walks into a room. My sister told me that she was glad that Tracy was there.
I am lucky to have such a wonderful family and incredilble friends. Thank you for all of the messages, calls emails, etc. It has been helping me more than you know. I know you are praying for all of us and I appreciate that greatly.
Love you all, Grace
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Things are not so good
Dear Family & Friends,
Stella has been having a very difficult time these past few days. She hasn't been able to eat much of anything. She wasn't able to keep any food down at all yesterday. Her Hospice nurse changed her medications, and they prescribed an anti-nausea medication as well. There isn't much more that can be done, other than giving her more pain medicine to keep her comfortable. When you are in Hospice, comfort is the main goal.
It's a tough balancing act for my sister-in-law to work through. Every day is different. She just has to wait and see how Stella feels each day. Kathleen & Dominick have so much on their plate. They have been trying to make sure that Stella is comfortable for every moment she has left and balance their lives as well. In addition to caring for my sister 24 hours a day, they have five children.
Even with all of that, Kathleen knows that I am on egg shells every minute of every day. We now talk several times throughout the day.
Two weeks ago when I was in NY, Stella asked me,"Are you taking care of yourself?" She is still watching out for me.
I was due for all of my own check-ups in November, but kept putting them off. I went to see my Oncologist yesterday. She is the most compassionate doctor I have ever met. She knows everything about me & my family...details most doctors don't take the time to ask. She took one look at me & knew that this visit wasn't just a "check-up". We spent the next 45 minutes talking, crying & then we made a plan of every test I wanted to have done. I will be having a Breast MRI, a brain scan & a full body scan.
It may seem like overkill, but I can't sit around and worry. I have been having a few aches & pains, here & there. Three days ago, I had a migraine that was off the charts. That was when I said. "Okay, it's time to go to the doctor."
I am usually very diligent with my own health. The last few months, I haven't had the time to worry about myself. But, I would be a fool to ignore my own advice. I had breast cancer in 2001, at age 35.
When Stella was diagnosed with ovarian & breast cancer (4 1/2 yrs. ago), I went back to my Oncologist the next day. That was in 2006. My doctor agreed that having my ovaries & breasts removed was the right thing to do. Stella & I both carry the BRACA gene. This gene affects many women & men. The likelihood of getting breast, ovarian, colon &/or prostate cancer is greatly increased for those who carry this genetic mutation. I already had breast cancer, so my odds of getting breast cancer again was 87%. If I removed my breasts, I had a 90% chance of not getting breast cancer again. I would be a sitting duck if I did nothing. Our mother died at 53, from cancer, too. So, I elected to have these surgeries in 2007. Even though my breasts have been removed, I still have an MRI once each year to make sure that everything is still okay. I know I will be a basket case for the next 2 weeks---until I have all these scans behind me. Every time either one of us would go for a scan or blood work, we were both on pins and needles, too.
When I spoke to Stella again this evening, she told me that she still wasn't feeling well. She said that she can't eat and has been sleeping a lot. It is breaking my heart to hear how weak she sounds.
I am asking for more prayers for Stella. Thank you so much.
Love, Grace
Stella has been having a very difficult time these past few days. She hasn't been able to eat much of anything. She wasn't able to keep any food down at all yesterday. Her Hospice nurse changed her medications, and they prescribed an anti-nausea medication as well. There isn't much more that can be done, other than giving her more pain medicine to keep her comfortable. When you are in Hospice, comfort is the main goal.
It's a tough balancing act for my sister-in-law to work through. Every day is different. She just has to wait and see how Stella feels each day. Kathleen & Dominick have so much on their plate. They have been trying to make sure that Stella is comfortable for every moment she has left and balance their lives as well. In addition to caring for my sister 24 hours a day, they have five children.
Even with all of that, Kathleen knows that I am on egg shells every minute of every day. We now talk several times throughout the day.
Two weeks ago when I was in NY, Stella asked me,"Are you taking care of yourself?" She is still watching out for me.
I was due for all of my own check-ups in November, but kept putting them off. I went to see my Oncologist yesterday. She is the most compassionate doctor I have ever met. She knows everything about me & my family...details most doctors don't take the time to ask. She took one look at me & knew that this visit wasn't just a "check-up". We spent the next 45 minutes talking, crying & then we made a plan of every test I wanted to have done. I will be having a Breast MRI, a brain scan & a full body scan.
It may seem like overkill, but I can't sit around and worry. I have been having a few aches & pains, here & there. Three days ago, I had a migraine that was off the charts. That was when I said. "Okay, it's time to go to the doctor."
I am usually very diligent with my own health. The last few months, I haven't had the time to worry about myself. But, I would be a fool to ignore my own advice. I had breast cancer in 2001, at age 35.
When Stella was diagnosed with ovarian & breast cancer (4 1/2 yrs. ago), I went back to my Oncologist the next day. That was in 2006. My doctor agreed that having my ovaries & breasts removed was the right thing to do. Stella & I both carry the BRACA gene. This gene affects many women & men. The likelihood of getting breast, ovarian, colon &/or prostate cancer is greatly increased for those who carry this genetic mutation. I already had breast cancer, so my odds of getting breast cancer again was 87%. If I removed my breasts, I had a 90% chance of not getting breast cancer again. I would be a sitting duck if I did nothing. Our mother died at 53, from cancer, too. So, I elected to have these surgeries in 2007. Even though my breasts have been removed, I still have an MRI once each year to make sure that everything is still okay. I know I will be a basket case for the next 2 weeks---until I have all these scans behind me. Every time either one of us would go for a scan or blood work, we were both on pins and needles, too.
When I spoke to Stella again this evening, she told me that she still wasn't feeling well. She said that she can't eat and has been sleeping a lot. It is breaking my heart to hear how weak she sounds.
I am asking for more prayers for Stella. Thank you so much.
Love, Grace
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Planning my next visit
Dear Family & Friends,
Today I booked my next trip to see my Sissy. I am going to spend her birthday & Valentine's Day with her. When I spoke to her yesterday, I told her that over 3000 people have viewed the blog & are praying for her. She couldn't believe it. I told her that she is even on prayer lists in Costa Rica, the Netherlands, and Italy....just to name a few countries outside of the USA. She said, "Wow, really?" and then I could sense that she was trying to figure out the reason for all of these prayers.
Kathleen explained to me that Stella does not remember the conversation we had with the doctor at Huntington Hospital in regards to Hospice being the next step & treatment no longer being an option for her. Kathleen thinks she doesn't realize the seriousness of her condition.
It made sense to me. She was on heavy pain medication that day. She had major surgery a week before & it was a very traumatic experience to hear that news. Kathleen spoke to the Hospice nurse about how to approach this subject with Stella. The nurse said that when Stella is ready to talk about it or wants to ask a question, she will.
I know that I was very fortunate to have spent so much time with Stella this past year and yet I can't imagine my life without her. When we were children, the seven years between us made it difficult to get along. Happily, we have become the best of friends in our adult life. We talk on the phone every, single day.We don't always agree on things, but we counted on each other for honesty. Stella was not afraid to tell me to be quiet. And, if we had an argument, we never let a day go by without saying we were sorry. I am the bossy sister...you all know that. I gave Stella daily advice on how to take better care of herself. This was the cause of many of our squabbles. She did things her way; rarely listened to my advice. That was something that drove me nuts. My advice was always from research I had done, doctors I spoke to, or just common sense. Sometimes it was like I was talking to a brick wall. I tried & tried to get her to drink more fluids, eat better, etc. She always told me she would try to do what I asked, but she rarely did. She is the Big Sister, I know. I began to figure out that she felt more in control of her life if she ignored what I was saying, but I kept trying.
On Christmas Eve, I gave her a beautiful bird ornament I found in a Hallmark store that said, (no joke) "Listen to Grace". She laughed and couldn't believe that I found that in a store. Then she hugged me & told me that she would listen to me. She uses the phrase, "Listen to Grace" almost every time we talk now.
Her last few days have been good , mostly. She has been sleeping through the night for the last few nights. That has eased my mind. She had a mild fever and a slight infection, but has gotten better. She hasn't eaten very much in the last few days, which is something the doctor said could happen. Overall, Kathleen feels she is doing quite well under the circumstances.
I sincerely appreciate every call, email, Facebook message, text, etc. I am sorry if I haven't responded personally to each one. I also want to thank everyone for their continued prayers for Stella & our family. It is so wonderful to know that she is being prayed for by so many people. I am grateful to be able to share that with her. Thank you! xxxooo
Love, Grace
Today I booked my next trip to see my Sissy. I am going to spend her birthday & Valentine's Day with her. When I spoke to her yesterday, I told her that over 3000 people have viewed the blog & are praying for her. She couldn't believe it. I told her that she is even on prayer lists in Costa Rica, the Netherlands, and Italy....just to name a few countries outside of the USA. She said, "Wow, really?" and then I could sense that she was trying to figure out the reason for all of these prayers.
Kathleen explained to me that Stella does not remember the conversation we had with the doctor at Huntington Hospital in regards to Hospice being the next step & treatment no longer being an option for her. Kathleen thinks she doesn't realize the seriousness of her condition.
It made sense to me. She was on heavy pain medication that day. She had major surgery a week before & it was a very traumatic experience to hear that news. Kathleen spoke to the Hospice nurse about how to approach this subject with Stella. The nurse said that when Stella is ready to talk about it or wants to ask a question, she will.
I know that I was very fortunate to have spent so much time with Stella this past year and yet I can't imagine my life without her. When we were children, the seven years between us made it difficult to get along. Happily, we have become the best of friends in our adult life. We talk on the phone every, single day.We don't always agree on things, but we counted on each other for honesty. Stella was not afraid to tell me to be quiet. And, if we had an argument, we never let a day go by without saying we were sorry. I am the bossy sister...you all know that. I gave Stella daily advice on how to take better care of herself. This was the cause of many of our squabbles. She did things her way; rarely listened to my advice. That was something that drove me nuts. My advice was always from research I had done, doctors I spoke to, or just common sense. Sometimes it was like I was talking to a brick wall. I tried & tried to get her to drink more fluids, eat better, etc. She always told me she would try to do what I asked, but she rarely did. She is the Big Sister, I know. I began to figure out that she felt more in control of her life if she ignored what I was saying, but I kept trying.
On Christmas Eve, I gave her a beautiful bird ornament I found in a Hallmark store that said, (no joke) "Listen to Grace". She laughed and couldn't believe that I found that in a store. Then she hugged me & told me that she would listen to me. She uses the phrase, "Listen to Grace" almost every time we talk now.
Her last few days have been good , mostly. She has been sleeping through the night for the last few nights. That has eased my mind. She had a mild fever and a slight infection, but has gotten better. She hasn't eaten very much in the last few days, which is something the doctor said could happen. Overall, Kathleen feels she is doing quite well under the circumstances.
I sincerely appreciate every call, email, Facebook message, text, etc. I am sorry if I haven't responded personally to each one. I also want to thank everyone for their continued prayers for Stella & our family. It is so wonderful to know that she is being prayed for by so many people. I am grateful to be able to share that with her. Thank you! xxxooo
Love, Grace
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sorry I've been out of touch for a few days
Dear Friends & Family,
The last few days have been difficult for me to sit down and write. I have been going round & round in my mind, trying to understand why this is all happening. I don't really know the answer.
Stella has been having some good days & some that have not been so good. Kathleen & I speak at least twice a day, sometimes more. Kathleen gives me a detailed account of how Stella is doing. I am so grateful that she and my brother are there with Stella.
I speak to my Sissy every day. This morning when I called, her husband answered & said she had a good night sleep. Then, I spoke to her and she told me that she loves me and misses me. I told her I was coming back to see her again soon. I told her about all of the friends that have sent their love & prayers and she was very happy to hear that. I told her that she is very popular. She laughed again and said, "Yeah, right!"
We chatted about my children and how busy their schedules keep me. At the last minute, my husband & I decided to take the girls to the Magic Kingdom yesterday. My friend Gena (from Elwood) and her family were in Orlando. Her son's high school marching band was performing at the Magic Kingdom. I reminded her that the last time I was in Disney, she was with me & that we watched the fireworks together. We were holding hands that night in August, listening to Jiminy Crickett's voice narrating the fireworks display, telling us to "Wish upon a star...". I told her that I will never forget that night.
Then, she spoke to my youngest daughter and I could hear the happiness in her voice through the phone. After we said 10 more "I love you's" to each other, we said our goodbyes & hung up the phone.
Every day is worrisome for me, not knowing how Stella will feel. I am praying that she is not in any pain and that she can rest easily. I appreciate all of the prayers you have for my sister and our family. Thank you so much!
Love, Grace
The last few days have been difficult for me to sit down and write. I have been going round & round in my mind, trying to understand why this is all happening. I don't really know the answer.
Stella has been having some good days & some that have not been so good. Kathleen & I speak at least twice a day, sometimes more. Kathleen gives me a detailed account of how Stella is doing. I am so grateful that she and my brother are there with Stella.
I speak to my Sissy every day. This morning when I called, her husband answered & said she had a good night sleep. Then, I spoke to her and she told me that she loves me and misses me. I told her I was coming back to see her again soon. I told her about all of the friends that have sent their love & prayers and she was very happy to hear that. I told her that she is very popular. She laughed again and said, "Yeah, right!"
We chatted about my children and how busy their schedules keep me. At the last minute, my husband & I decided to take the girls to the Magic Kingdom yesterday. My friend Gena (from Elwood) and her family were in Orlando. Her son's high school marching band was performing at the Magic Kingdom. I reminded her that the last time I was in Disney, she was with me & that we watched the fireworks together. We were holding hands that night in August, listening to Jiminy Crickett's voice narrating the fireworks display, telling us to "Wish upon a star...". I told her that I will never forget that night.
Then, she spoke to my youngest daughter and I could hear the happiness in her voice through the phone. After we said 10 more "I love you's" to each other, we said our goodbyes & hung up the phone.
Every day is worrisome for me, not knowing how Stella will feel. I am praying that she is not in any pain and that she can rest easily. I appreciate all of the prayers you have for my sister and our family. Thank you so much!
Love, Grace
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Keep those prayers coming!
Dear Family & Friends,
I am thrilled to report that Stella had a "stellar" day yesterday & this morning, too! Her son, Joe & his girlfriend, Natalie are there with her, as well. (By the way, Natalie is also my niece through marriage. Natalie's mom is my husband's sister).
They had a sleep over party at my brother Dominick & Kathleen's home and they are all snowed in together! Dom was making pancakes for the whole family & Stella was telling me about all of the different types he was making and how good they smelled.
She was so happy, I could hear it in her voice. She told me that she was feeling "very good"! I cannot tell you how wonderful that made me feel! She told me that she walked around the house and looked outside every window. She told me how beautiful the snow was. She laughed when I asked her if she was going outside to shovel!
Our prayers are working! Please continue to pray for my Sissy.
My sister-in-law, Kathleen is a truly remarkable human being. She is one of the most caring & loving people I know. She always puts others before herself & is one of my very best friends. I hope she knows how much I love her and appreciate her.
Thank you again & again for keeping Stella in your hearts!
Love, Grace
I am thrilled to report that Stella had a "stellar" day yesterday & this morning, too! Her son, Joe & his girlfriend, Natalie are there with her, as well. (By the way, Natalie is also my niece through marriage. Natalie's mom is my husband's sister).
They had a sleep over party at my brother Dominick & Kathleen's home and they are all snowed in together! Dom was making pancakes for the whole family & Stella was telling me about all of the different types he was making and how good they smelled.
She was so happy, I could hear it in her voice. She told me that she was feeling "very good"! I cannot tell you how wonderful that made me feel! She told me that she walked around the house and looked outside every window. She told me how beautiful the snow was. She laughed when I asked her if she was going outside to shovel!
Our prayers are working! Please continue to pray for my Sissy.
My sister-in-law, Kathleen is a truly remarkable human being. She is one of the most caring & loving people I know. She always puts others before herself & is one of my very best friends. I hope she knows how much I love her and appreciate her.
Thank you again & again for keeping Stella in your hearts!
Love, Grace
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
"I'll see you when you're in front of me."
Dear Family & Friends,
I didn't sleep at all on Sunday night, anxious about leaving her. When I came down the stairs yesterday morning and went in to see Stella, she was just waking up. She had a restful night & was in good spirits. She got out of bed, wanting to do everything herself. It was so wonderful to see her this way. It made my worries about leaving her a little easier.
I asked her what she wanted for breakfast. She tilted her head...knowing full-well, that I would make her whatever she wanted. She decided on a "dippy" egg. That's what we call an egg that you can dip your bread/toast into. I was thrilled! Protein is what she needs to eat, so that fact that she had a craving for it, made me happy.
She ate the entire egg and some toast and sat with us at the table. She was so much better than the days before. It is clear to me that the power of prayer is working. Our cousins Maria & Mino brought Stella a bottle of Holy Water. I said prayers with her on Sunday night and made the sign of the cross on her forehead with a drop of the water. I asked God to keep watching over my sister & to please not let her be in pain.
On Sunday night, when she was on her way to bed, I asked her when we could go dancing? She stopped for a moment, shook her elbows & hips in a "salsa-type" sway and smiled. It was wonderful!
Our goodbye yesterday was more of me saying that I would be coming back soon. Her standing quote when we say goodbye is, "I'll see you when you're in front of me." I never realized how much these words (which were always said with a chuckle), would bring me so much comfort.
I spoke to her this morning. She was eating breakfast and told me that she had another good night of rest. I told her how much I love her & miss her. I also told her that she has made leaps & bounds since last week when I first saw her in the hospital. She said, "I hope so." Then I asked her to please eat a little bit at every meal, even if it is only two bites and to drink plenty of fluids. I told her that her progress had made it easier for me to leave yesterday and to continue on this good path.
Last week the doctor told us that there would be good days & bad days. I am going to hang onto every good day and keep praying for a miracle.
Yesterday, I told Stella how many people have read my blog & were praying for her. Her face lit up. She was amazed. I have had over 2000 visits to this blog already. Prayers for my Sissy. Thank you.
Love, Grace
I didn't sleep at all on Sunday night, anxious about leaving her. When I came down the stairs yesterday morning and went in to see Stella, she was just waking up. She had a restful night & was in good spirits. She got out of bed, wanting to do everything herself. It was so wonderful to see her this way. It made my worries about leaving her a little easier.
I asked her what she wanted for breakfast. She tilted her head...knowing full-well, that I would make her whatever she wanted. She decided on a "dippy" egg. That's what we call an egg that you can dip your bread/toast into. I was thrilled! Protein is what she needs to eat, so that fact that she had a craving for it, made me happy.
She ate the entire egg and some toast and sat with us at the table. She was so much better than the days before. It is clear to me that the power of prayer is working. Our cousins Maria & Mino brought Stella a bottle of Holy Water. I said prayers with her on Sunday night and made the sign of the cross on her forehead with a drop of the water. I asked God to keep watching over my sister & to please not let her be in pain.
On Sunday night, when she was on her way to bed, I asked her when we could go dancing? She stopped for a moment, shook her elbows & hips in a "salsa-type" sway and smiled. It was wonderful!
Our goodbye yesterday was more of me saying that I would be coming back soon. Her standing quote when we say goodbye is, "I'll see you when you're in front of me." I never realized how much these words (which were always said with a chuckle), would bring me so much comfort.
I spoke to her this morning. She was eating breakfast and told me that she had another good night of rest. I told her how much I love her & miss her. I also told her that she has made leaps & bounds since last week when I first saw her in the hospital. She said, "I hope so." Then I asked her to please eat a little bit at every meal, even if it is only two bites and to drink plenty of fluids. I told her that her progress had made it easier for me to leave yesterday and to continue on this good path.
Last week the doctor told us that there would be good days & bad days. I am going to hang onto every good day and keep praying for a miracle.
Yesterday, I told Stella how many people have read my blog & were praying for her. Her face lit up. She was amazed. I have had over 2000 visits to this blog already. Prayers for my Sissy. Thank you.
Love, Grace
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Treasure your sister
Dear Family & Friends,
This past year Stella and I spent so much time together. Every opportunity we had to go on a trip, we did. I am thankful that I didn't wait or postpone these trips. We saw each other almost every month in 2010 & sometimes twice in the same month. We made the most wonderful memories. Many of you followed our "escapades" on Facebook. Many people didn't know how ill she was. She hid it well. All along, it was breaking my heart, knowing that each moment was a gift.
I will have to head back home to my family tomorrow evening. I am struggling with leaving. I know that when I say goodbye it may be the last time I get to see Stella. I don't want her to suffer anymore. She has been through so much. Her disease is taking its toll on her frail body.
I am trying to focus on all of the good days we spent together. Thank you so much for letting me pour my heart out.
Love, Grace
This past year Stella and I spent so much time together. Every opportunity we had to go on a trip, we did. I am thankful that I didn't wait or postpone these trips. We saw each other almost every month in 2010 & sometimes twice in the same month. We made the most wonderful memories. Many of you followed our "escapades" on Facebook. Many people didn't know how ill she was. She hid it well. All along, it was breaking my heart, knowing that each moment was a gift.
I will have to head back home to my family tomorrow evening. I am struggling with leaving. I know that when I say goodbye it may be the last time I get to see Stella. I don't want her to suffer anymore. She has been through so much. Her disease is taking its toll on her frail body.
I am trying to focus on all of the good days we spent together. Thank you so much for letting me pour my heart out.
Love, Grace
Sunday morning with Sissy
Good Morning Family & Friends,
Last night Stella told me that it was wonderful to have all of her siblings here together. She began singing an old Italian song in my ear that begins with "Finalmente..." (which translates to "finally".)
We were all sitting around the kitchen table this morning, like we were little kids again. Stella didn't want to eat this morning. Each one of us tried to coax her into eating or drinking. She gave in & ate a few bites. We reminisced about funny family memories and she added a comment when she felt up to it.
She listened to me read all of her Christmas cards/Get Well cards. She especially loved the Get Well pictures that were sent from the many children that love her. She perked up when I showed her the pictures of family & friends in the cards.
We even laughed about the times I would call her at her job. The woman that would answer the phone had zero personality. It always makes her crack-up when I imitate the woman's voice. Even though Stella is only awake for a few hours each day, we cherish every moment.
Her night wasn't too bad. She woke up a few times and then slept soundly from 4AM-8AM. The main reason it is difficult to get her to eat or drink is that she had a major blockage in her small intestine due to a progression of the disease. Her most recent surgery (12/29) included a re-routing of her small intestine. The cancer has spread to four of her organs and the pain she has been experiencing for the last few months has been excruciating.
She is the strongest person I know. For the last 4 1/2 years she has fought her battle so courageously. Stella never loses sight of her Faith. Through everything she endured, she got herself up & went to Church every Sunday morning. We have arranged for a Priest to come here to see her. I know that will be comforting to her & our family. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love & support.
Love, Grace
Last night Stella told me that it was wonderful to have all of her siblings here together. She began singing an old Italian song in my ear that begins with "Finalmente..." (which translates to "finally".)
We were all sitting around the kitchen table this morning, like we were little kids again. Stella didn't want to eat this morning. Each one of us tried to coax her into eating or drinking. She gave in & ate a few bites. We reminisced about funny family memories and she added a comment when she felt up to it.
She listened to me read all of her Christmas cards/Get Well cards. She especially loved the Get Well pictures that were sent from the many children that love her. She perked up when I showed her the pictures of family & friends in the cards.
We even laughed about the times I would call her at her job. The woman that would answer the phone had zero personality. It always makes her crack-up when I imitate the woman's voice. Even though Stella is only awake for a few hours each day, we cherish every moment.
Her night wasn't too bad. She woke up a few times and then slept soundly from 4AM-8AM. The main reason it is difficult to get her to eat or drink is that she had a major blockage in her small intestine due to a progression of the disease. Her most recent surgery (12/29) included a re-routing of her small intestine. The cancer has spread to four of her organs and the pain she has been experiencing for the last few months has been excruciating.
She is the strongest person I know. For the last 4 1/2 years she has fought her battle so courageously. Stella never loses sight of her Faith. Through everything she endured, she got herself up & went to Church every Sunday morning. We have arranged for a Priest to come here to see her. I know that will be comforting to her & our family. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love & support.
Love, Grace
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Prayers for Stella Rose
Dear Family & Friends,
Stella had a rough night last night. She was up several times with pain. I can't handle seeing her in pain. When the morning came, she seemed a little better. She was calmer and ate a little breakfast.
When she settled back into bed, Jimmy (my oldest brother) and I went out to get a few things she needed. We bought her beautiful pajamas. Jimmy picked them out because they had roses on them. Her name is Stella Rose. Stella was named after both grandmothers.
Spending every moment I can with her is my only goal while I am here. I have had little time to call anyone today.
I know her time here is limited and it's so hard to cope.
Tonight she was in so much pain. I prayed with her and cried with her while she was in pain. She just finally fell asleep. Please keep her in your prayers.
Love, Grace
Stella had a rough night last night. She was up several times with pain. I can't handle seeing her in pain. When the morning came, she seemed a little better. She was calmer and ate a little breakfast.
When she settled back into bed, Jimmy (my oldest brother) and I went out to get a few things she needed. We bought her beautiful pajamas. Jimmy picked them out because they had roses on them. Her name is Stella Rose. Stella was named after both grandmothers.
Spending every moment I can with her is my only goal while I am here. I have had little time to call anyone today.
I know her time here is limited and it's so hard to cope.
Tonight she was in so much pain. I prayed with her and cried with her while she was in pain. She just finally fell asleep. Please keep her in your prayers.
Love, Grace
Friday, January 7, 2011
Stella is home! :)
Hi again,
Stella arrived home about an hour ago and is so comfortable. She was very happy to see everyone when she arrived. I think the sleep she is having right now is probably the best rest she has had in weeks. I told her we were having a slumber party tonight and she smiled.
I know that so many of you want to visit. Please understand that she is very weak and will probably need a few days to get adjusted. I will try to coordinate a schedule once she is up to it. Thank you for your understanding and please pray that she can have a restful night. If you would like to--you can leave her a comment on the blog and I can read it to her. Thank you.
Love, Grace
Stella arrived home about an hour ago and is so comfortable. She was very happy to see everyone when she arrived. I think the sleep she is having right now is probably the best rest she has had in weeks. I told her we were having a slumber party tonight and she smiled.
I know that so many of you want to visit. Please understand that she is very weak and will probably need a few days to get adjusted. I will try to coordinate a schedule once she is up to it. Thank you for your understanding and please pray that she can have a restful night. If you would like to--you can leave her a comment on the blog and I can read it to her. Thank you.
Love, Grace
RE: Stella is coming home
Dear Friends & Family,
I just left the hospital. Stella will be arriving at our brother's home any moment. She was very tired this morning and just wanted to sleep. The Hospice nurse told me that she will have good days & bad days. Our oldest brother just arrived from Florida, so we will all be here when she comes. My siblings and I haven't been together since 2009.
My nephews & nieces are here, too. My niece made her a 'Welcome Home" sign. My sister is known as "Aunt Nelly" by all the kids. She has special names for all the kids. They adore her. She has created a special bond with each one of them. She knows special things about each one of them. She is a Godmother to so many children that I have lost count.
I want to thank all of the nurses at Huntington Hospital that have shown so much kindness to my sister & our family. They have gone above & beyond the call of duty and offered much needed emotional support to me this week. I am truly grateful to them.
Thank you all so much for your love & prayers for our family.
Love, Grace
I just left the hospital. Stella will be arriving at our brother's home any moment. She was very tired this morning and just wanted to sleep. The Hospice nurse told me that she will have good days & bad days. Our oldest brother just arrived from Florida, so we will all be here when she comes. My siblings and I haven't been together since 2009.
My nephews & nieces are here, too. My niece made her a 'Welcome Home" sign. My sister is known as "Aunt Nelly" by all the kids. She has special names for all the kids. They adore her. She has created a special bond with each one of them. She knows special things about each one of them. She is a Godmother to so many children that I have lost count.
I want to thank all of the nurses at Huntington Hospital that have shown so much kindness to my sister & our family. They have gone above & beyond the call of duty and offered much needed emotional support to me this week. I am truly grateful to them.
Thank you all so much for your love & prayers for our family.
Love, Grace
My sister is a bulldog
I will never forget the highest compliment my sister paid me yesterday. When my husband called to speak with her, she was very tired and didn't really want to take the phone. I told her that he just wanted to say hi. When they talked, she immediately started laughing and told him, "My sister is a bulldog! She is on top of me and makes sure I am getting everything I need." They laughed and she thanked him for "letting" me be with her. Then he told her a few wonderful memories he has of her and that he loved her so much. She gave me the phone and smiled again and told me she was glad I was there to take care of her.
My goal yesterday was to get her into the shower. You always feel better. So with the help of the nurses, we accomplished that. She felt so much better. Her hair in long and curly and she looked like Glenda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz. I told her she looked beautiful and I could tell she believed me.
I love her so much and told her about 500 times. She always smiles and kisses me and tells me she loves me too or she raises her eyebrows and asks, "Really?" and we both laugh.
Please continue your prayers and please say a special prayer for her husband and son, too.
Love, Grace
My goal yesterday was to get her into the shower. You always feel better. So with the help of the nurses, we accomplished that. She felt so much better. Her hair in long and curly and she looked like Glenda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz. I told her she looked beautiful and I could tell she believed me.
I love her so much and told her about 500 times. She always smiles and kisses me and tells me she loves me too or she raises her eyebrows and asks, "Really?" and we both laugh.
Please continue your prayers and please say a special prayer for her husband and son, too.
Love, Grace
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Prayers for Stella
Dear Friends & Family,
I am sitting beside her and she is resting. She is on heavy pain medication. Every so often she wakes up and asks me, "Are we going yet?" or "Don't I have somewhere to go?" Her confusion is due to all the pain meds she is on. I am grateful that she is not in any pain.
She will be leaving the hospital in the next day or so & will be moved to our brother's home. Initially, she was supposed to go directly to a Hospice facility, but she said wants to go "home". We will all come together as a family to be by her side and make her as comfortable as possible.
Her illness began over 4 years ago and the tough battle she has fought has been very hard. She has been so private about her illness and we have often argued about that fact. As you can see, I am a talker. I learned through my own breast cancer diagnosis that people really do want to help. I kept telling her that the more people you tell, the more people you will have praying for you. She just doesn't want pity. I think she believes that it will all go away if she doesn't talk about it. I am going against her now by writing this, but my heart is telling me to do it. Our mother battled cancer and lost her fight when I was only 17. I remembered that people came & offered to help and called every day. I am selfish, I know. I want her to have as many people praying for her as possible. Thank you all so much for the support.
Love, Grace
I am sitting beside her and she is resting. She is on heavy pain medication. Every so often she wakes up and asks me, "Are we going yet?" or "Don't I have somewhere to go?" Her confusion is due to all the pain meds she is on. I am grateful that she is not in any pain.
She will be leaving the hospital in the next day or so & will be moved to our brother's home. Initially, she was supposed to go directly to a Hospice facility, but she said wants to go "home". We will all come together as a family to be by her side and make her as comfortable as possible.
Her illness began over 4 years ago and the tough battle she has fought has been very hard. She has been so private about her illness and we have often argued about that fact. As you can see, I am a talker. I learned through my own breast cancer diagnosis that people really do want to help. I kept telling her that the more people you tell, the more people you will have praying for you. She just doesn't want pity. I think she believes that it will all go away if she doesn't talk about it. I am going against her now by writing this, but my heart is telling me to do it. Our mother battled cancer and lost her fight when I was only 17. I remembered that people came & offered to help and called every day. I am selfish, I know. I want her to have as many people praying for her as possible. Thank you all so much for the support.
Love, Grace
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Prayers for Stella
Good Morning and welcome to my blog for my sister, Stella. I know that my sister would not want me to be doing this, but when she sees how many people she has praying for her she will understand why I am doing this.
My sister and I are seven years apart. She taught me how to read well before I was in Kindergarten. She helped me navigate through my life and "broke-in" our parents well. By the time I became a teenager, I had very few limitations :). She has always "looked after" me. Our relationship has grown strong through the course of many uphill battles we have had to endure as a family. She has amazing strength and faith in God. For those of you that do not know, my sister is fighting for her life. I am on a plane right now headed back to Long Island to be with her. We were with her through the holidays, but she was in the hospital for almost all of the 17 days we were in NY. She has stage 4 ovarian cancer and breast cancer. She was diagnosed a little over 4 years ago and has been fighting ever since. At this point, her doctors feel she will not live much longer. I am having the hardest time coping with the thought of losing her. You may or may not know that I also had breast cancer 9 years ago. When Stella was diagnosed, I went back to my oncologist and told her about my sister. My oncologist advised me to stay one step ahead of the disease & have my breasts & ovaries removed. I followed her advice & had both surgeries in 2007. My sister has told me that her diagnosis would help save my life. Her "gift" to me, she calls it. My sisters legacy has given me the road map for my future.
We have been told that she has weeks/months to live. I want her to know how many people she has touched in her life & how she has been the source of inspiration to so many. Please continue to pray for my sister. I will keep you posted as best I can. Thank you. Love, Grace
My sister and I are seven years apart. She taught me how to read well before I was in Kindergarten. She helped me navigate through my life and "broke-in" our parents well. By the time I became a teenager, I had very few limitations :). She has always "looked after" me. Our relationship has grown strong through the course of many uphill battles we have had to endure as a family. She has amazing strength and faith in God. For those of you that do not know, my sister is fighting for her life. I am on a plane right now headed back to Long Island to be with her. We were with her through the holidays, but she was in the hospital for almost all of the 17 days we were in NY. She has stage 4 ovarian cancer and breast cancer. She was diagnosed a little over 4 years ago and has been fighting ever since. At this point, her doctors feel she will not live much longer. I am having the hardest time coping with the thought of losing her. You may or may not know that I also had breast cancer 9 years ago. When Stella was diagnosed, I went back to my oncologist and told her about my sister. My oncologist advised me to stay one step ahead of the disease & have my breasts & ovaries removed. I followed her advice & had both surgeries in 2007. My sister has told me that her diagnosis would help save my life. Her "gift" to me, she calls it. My sisters legacy has given me the road map for my future.
We have been told that she has weeks/months to live. I want her to know how many people she has touched in her life & how she has been the source of inspiration to so many. Please continue to pray for my sister. I will keep you posted as best I can. Thank you. Love, Grace
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